“I Spy” at the 2015 Armory Show

1. A woman apologizing

2. A dog the size of a rodent (Bonus: a dog the size of a rodent in a Louis Vuitton dog carrier being taken into the bathroom because it’s probably potty-trained.)

3. An old man asking a young woman inappropriate questions

4. A selfie stick

5. An old woman who can clearly afford food, but chooses not to eat it.

6. A young couple carrying plastic cups of beer who look like they mistook this for a baseball game.

7. Or maybe they understand that a person here is no better than a person at a baseball game and are silently protesting the elitist nature of the art world.

8. A rich person asking whether the magazines and tote bags in the Publications section are free

9. Grumpy older women who are just not impressed and want you to know it.

10. Men with long hair

11. A beanie

12. A crying child who clearly has better things to do today

13. A poor person (hint: they’re not here)

14. A floppy brimmed hat

15. Anyone talking casually about buying a piece of artwork for their living room

16. Your mom

17. It’s weird she didn’t tell you she was coming though

18. Like at least “let’s get a cup of coffee”

19. A text message even

20. Maybe she doesn’t love you anymore?

21. That’s unfortunate

22. A girl in yoga pants and sneakers

23. A rolex

24. A Canada Goose jacket

25. An actual Canadian goose

26. An $11 kale salad

27. A champagne flute because oh my god this place is so overwhelming, I can’t even…

28. Girls taking selfies of their reflection

29. Men wearing ankle length suit pants

30. a penis

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