I am a writer who does not write. Why don’t I write? Because I’m looking for jobs. Why am I looking for jobs? Because that is something I’m good at. Why am I good at it? Because I do it all the fucking time. Writing is scary. Writing is thousands of personal choices becoming visible on a page. It’s the closest thing there is to making my heart and soul and brain an open studio. Even if I don’t share my work, it’s there, for me to see and for me to judge and to say, this isn’t great. And then I feel rotten. Job hunting doesn’t do that. Because people will always be posting jobs. And a day with no good jobs isn’t a reflection on me. It’s a reflection on them. A day with no good writing? That’s all my own doing. I didn’t make the right series of choices, my brain wasn’t focusing, maybe my ideas were just shit.